I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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