About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
