Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
