How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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