I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
