Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
