you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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