How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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