Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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