Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
