The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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