whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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