Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
