If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
