listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
