if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
