I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
