its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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