just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
