I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
that's an acceptable place to lick
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
