i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
