do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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