Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
