Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
