You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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