Cold hands, warm shart.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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