My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
