I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
