So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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