just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
