shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
