Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
