I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
