someone get that fucking seahorse.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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