do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
