Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
