we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
