Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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