she was so not down for the gang bang
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
