Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I still have a little drunk in my system
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
