I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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