Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
