Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
