My pussy is not your playground.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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