My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
