i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
if only i could text you this smell
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
