I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
