I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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