Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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