Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
