when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
